Life has taken quite a turn over the last month or so, and not in a good way. I am very lucky that I still have my day job and I can work from home. But everything else is different.
I’ve really struggled to write new content for the blog. Of course part of that is because the things I usually write about – concerts, travel, wine, beer – are things that aren’t happening right now. Still, I could be writing about live stream shows or virtual wine tastings. I’m just having a hard time getting inspired.
Today it really hit me. I think I’m having a hard time writing about anything because I just want my life back!
Before you stop reading because you don’t want to hear about yet another selfish individual whining about making sacrifices, hear me out. Ask yourself this question and be honest with your answer. Don’t you want your life back too? If you answered yes, keep reading.
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I’M TIRED OF SACRIFICING!
Let me be very clear. I get it. I totally get why we are being asked to stay home. And I’m doing it. I haven’t driven my car in over a month. The only time I leave my house is to take a walk in the neighborhood. We took a ride to pick up take out food from a local restaurant this past weekend, and it was like Christmas morning for me because I got to ride in the car.
But I’m tired of it. Mentally tired. Physically tired. It’s exhausting and repetitive and horrible. Days are running together. I’m tired of the four walls of my home office. I want to sit down at a restaurant and have a glass of wine and a steak dinner!
ANNE FRANK WANTED HER LIFE BACK TOO!
And before you share with me the post that’s been going around that tells me how many days Anne Frank lived in that tiny room, I get it. The sacrifice I’m making by staying in my nice house with WiFi and Netflix is nothing. I totally agree.
But did you read Anne Frank’s diary? Just because she was in the situation she was in, doesn’t mean she didn’t want her old life back too. In fact, she talks about her old life a lot in her diary.
When you think of situations where people have to sacrifice or are put in isolation, I’m not sure you can name any of them that want to stay in that situation. They all want out! It’s not selfish to want your old life back. It’s normal.
LIFE DOESN’T EQUAL LIVING
I am so thankful that I have not gotten this horrible virus. Like all of you, it’s something I worry about every day. It’s a terrifying thought.
I value my life and the lives of others, which is why I am following the rules. But right now, I don’t feel like I’m living. Yes, I’m alive and I’m waking up every morning, which is a good thing. I’m also filling my days with work, listening to music, exercising, reading and other activities. But that’s all I’m doing – “filling my days”. While those activities are things I love, I also love traveling and going to concerts and going out to dinner. And all of those things are gone for now.
I MISS TRUE JOY
When I go to a concert of an artist that I really love, I experience true joy. Being in the same room. Feeling the energy of the crowd. Hearing a song I love. I miss that.
My current life is not all doom and gloom. I still laugh when I watch something funny on t.v. or see something funny on social media. And every once in a while my husband cracks a joke that is actually funny too.
As much as I dislike the whole “hat” selfie thing my husband does, I would give anything to go out right now and let him take as many hat pictures as he wants!
But even with laughter, the heaviness of today’s world weighs on me. It’s been a while since I experienced a time of pure release and joy. I miss that.
I MISS LEARNING
To keep myself busy, I am working on learning. I’ve taken some training courses at work I normally wouldn’t have time to take. I have also taken a bunch of online dance classes – especially tap – and really pushed myself to try harder and harder classes.
But one of the things I love about travel and going out in the world, is learning. Learning about a culture from the people that live there. Learning about a wine from the winemaker during a tasting. Learning a new dance step from my dance teacher in the studio. I miss learning real world lessons.
ALL WE CAN DO NOW IS HOLD ON
No one knows how long this is going to last. Even when things start to re-open, it will be a slow process. And when they do re-open, I know for me personally, it’s going to take a while to feel “safe”. I expect that even when I’m out and about again, I’m going to have this feeling of worry with me for awhile.
In the meantime, I won’t apologize for wanting my life back and you shouldn’t either. I won’t apologize for hating this horrible virus that has taken our life away from us – some literally and some figuratively. I will continue to do everything I can to keep as many people safe as I can, but still…
I just want my life back!
How are you doing during all of this? What do you miss the most? Let us know! Comment below or e-mail me at email@example.com.
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